Yes it's true, it wasn't your fault at all, just like you always said! You weren't being greedy, it was your chronic ice cream addiction that led to your crippling Baskins & Robbins habit. That's why you had to cut the waistband in your track-pants and why you haven't been able to fasten a pair of jeans since stonewash went out of fashion. The internationally renowned 'Oregon Research Institute' (or, ORI as it's shown on your college application forms) has discovered that your brain is making you eat more ice cream. Not you, your brain. You see the ORI team has come up with data showing that parts of your brain really, reeeally like ice cream. These 'brain bits' get depressed when the ice cream is all gone, so they make you go over to the freezer and get another wedge of it to shove down your gullet. And just like drugs, the more of it you try, the less the high. Sad really. Washed up, living in a box, rocky road smears crusting on your big face. No I will NOT give you 50 cents for bus fare. I know what you'd do with that money...
Source: Irish Independent
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